To Earthward
by shadowfire
Summary: A wedding brings Clark and Lex to cross paths again and ponder the meaning of their hatred towards anotherClarkLex


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**To Earthward**

Have you forgotten all I know?

And all we had?

You saw me mourning my love for you

And touched my hand

I knew you loved me then

I believe in you

I'll give up everything just to find you

I have to be with you to live to breathe

You're taking over me

It has been the first time I have seen you in a long time. It could be said that I was avoiding seeing you because I knew what it would do to me. And I was right in what it did to me. I began to feel sorry for the things I said to you, I began to think that maybe things could change. The questions of what is and what could be float around in my mind, and I haven't wanted to face those questions yet. You looked the same as if you hadn't aged a day. If it wasn't for the constant reminder of the people who are around me, sending you glares, I would think that when we had fought had been only days ago, not the five years that it has been. 

I think you were as surprised to see me as I was to you. Both of us have spent a lot of time trying to forget that the past ever happened. That we had once been friends and ultimately we both had too many secrets to remain friends.

****

Your eyes still have the same magnetic effect they had on me years ago. They blink with complete innocence, unaware that the rest of you isn't as innocent. That is your gift. You are too pretty and pure looking to be seen as evil.

I have spent a lot of time thinking you are a bastard. And it's easy to think those things when I am not face to face with you. But now that we have this entire church between us, as you sit on one side of the aisle and I stand in the back,; It's still not enough space. I am beginning to want to talk to you and hear your voice.

I want to be taken back to a time when I believed I could change…

I am still finding it hard to believe you are here. It's not like you had much interest in my friends in the first place. And when you left, there was no connection left. You made sure to dissolve all of them. You wanted to forget I ever happened.

I felt the same way then. But I can feel the weight of it lately. I wonder if I made the right decision. I wonder if maybe if I had done something different, things could be the same with you and me.

I remember asking you about magnets and the force they have on each other. I don't remember why I asked about them but I couldn't help thinking that was like us.

No matter how many times I try to get away from you and your influence, I find myself back here. I am drawn to you and every time we met up again, it's harder and harder to get away from you. It's harder to resist the urge to just stay with you.

****

I want to say that I was forced to come here. But I wasn't. I want to say that this is torture, sitting here, with my father. But it's not torture because I am watching you. I always liked watching you. I like to think about what is going through your mind, and I like to try to pierce the pieces of the puzzle together of the enigma that I call you.

You look a lot older then last I have seen you. I don't mean as if you had finally grown up, you look to be carrying the weight of the world on your shoulder. And a part of me is happy to see that because you never understood how much pressure I was under, being pushed and pulled into three different directions in which none of them were my own choice. The other half wants to relieve you of your burdens.

But I can never take those burdens off of you unless you tell me what they are. That was why I had to leave. I can't defend you from the world if I don't know what I am protecting you from. I saw that desperation in your eyes when you realized you couldn't stay away from me, but you couldn't stay, because I was dangerous.

I would be the first to admit that knowledge is dangerous. But speculation is a lot more dangerous. All you had to do was to say the words. I already knew them deep down. But you couldn't and you attacked me verbally.

You told me that I was like my father. I would become my father. I never had a chance of not being him. ****

Those words were meant to hurt me, and they did. I wanted to hurt you. I couldn't do it psychically since you are stronger then me in every form but in the art of blackmail, I have no equal. To save you, I left. I haven't looked back.

Not until today.

But when two magnets have the same charge, the closer they get, the more they try to get away. The power between them gets stronger and there is no force that could ever combine them. That could be also you and I. We both had too many secrets and neither of us could share them. Neither of us could trust each other.

The bells are ringing and I realize I have been daydreaming during the majority of the practice rehearsal. Pete and Lana decided to get married. I hadn't seen them in a couple of months and the news shocked me. My two best friends getting married; I would have never imagined it.

But while I hid out in the city, working on blending in and making a career for myself, Pete had made a swing through Smallville for his run for the Senate. And he found Lana there. Within two weeks, they decided to get married.

I am happy for them. I really am. But I feel they are going way too fast and when I told Pete that, he got mad, calling me jealous and tells me I have to get over my claim over Lana.

But he didn't realize I haven't had claim over Lana for more then just the five years I have been away, I never had any claim on her nor did I ever expect to get her.

She was just a dream. She was something normal. She was like my dream of all my life before knowing that I wasn't human, that I would discover who my birth parents were.

Clark has just emerged out of his reverie. It appears he is doing the same thing I am, reflecting on what brought us here. His thoughts are not on me anymore; he always was an open book to read if one was smart enough to get past the constant slamming of the book when he began to think he was threatened. ****

I came here because of Lionel. That is my excuse. He is getting cozy with Nell, and seeing that my father always has ulterior motives for which he is currently dating or going to marry, I came here to keep a watch on him.

Even after the break-up on Clark's and mine's friendship, he keeps an eye on Clark. All the things I have found out by Clark's past five years have been through the files my father has on him. He might actually like Nell, he might not, but Nell is Lana's aunt and Lana is Clark's ex. The math is simple enough…

Nell may be watching her niece but Lionel's eyes are on Clark. Anyone who was not directly related to the married-couple-to be, is looking at Clark. And if they aren't looking at Clark, they are staring at my father or me.

It's not an abnormal thing for me, being that I spent my entire life in the spotlight, but Clark is purposely adverting his eyes, keeping them firmly placed on the happy couple. He has gotten better at not turning red when he is being looked at or embarrassed by the attention, but the back of his neck is beginning to turn red, a sure sign he is nervous.

If we were still friends, he would complain about it to me and ask how I could stand it. I would then add my witty remarks that they are looking at him because he was a pretty boy and they just look at me because I look like a freak or I am famous. In which he would then compliment me and I would begin to feel a tad more optimistic about my life.

Yeah, you could say I missed him. I have missed him since the day I left. I have had other people to try to fill that gap that he left in my life but no one could fill it.

They are running the speakers to see if they can fill the hall with noise. They are putting on cheesy love songs and they make me want to vomit. They don't hold nice memories for me and indirectly they all feature Clark.

Clark comforting me after Desiree tried to kill me, him constantly reminding me that this wasn't my fault and I would find someone who would love me, that having passion was not a bad thing. Clark trying to keep his anger in check when I told him about what happened with Julian and how my father blamed it on me, and though he tried to hide it, him crying, by my side, understanding what could have been. Understanding that love never did work well for me…

Clark inviting me over for Christmas to make sure I wasn't alone on the holidays and when I refused, he camped out at my house and made sure to give me a present every year.

He filled the hole, the only hole that money couldn't buy me. Love…

Every once in a while, Lex's eyes will scan over me as if checking if I am real, and I see the same feelings that I am harboring in his eyes reflected at me. There is a mixture of anger from the past, the hope that maybe we could reconcile, the regret of not seeing each other sooner, and the confused glances around the room as he snaps back between realities.

The music is bothering Lex. He scowls at it and waves of anger seem to radiate off him. Love songs were never my cup of tea either. Every relationship I have ever been in has failed. Lana…Kyla…none of them went very well. One died, the other is getting married tomorrow. There were the random girls I experimented with when on the red kryptonite, but I don't have any memories of them

In the end, it was my secrets that killed them. It was my secrets that kept us apart. They could only handle so many blatant lies before needing to know the truth. And I could never give it to them.

Lex always understood the art of the secrets. And though it broke up our friendship in the end, it made me learn what others felt like when dealing with me, because he did the same thing I did to others back at me, and he was the only one who was harsh enough to say it.

And then he got out of town before I could hurt him…

He was the only person who I was almost honest with. He was the only person I wanted to tell. Pete was my best friend but he risked my secrets too many times. I couldn't hate him for it because they were accidental but somewhere I knew that Lex was incapable of doing that. He understood that secrets were meant to be kept

For all my close friends I had all of them who had known me since birth, a perfect stranger waltzes into town and he almost immediately gets my secret. To this day, I am not sure if I tricked him, or if it was he was allowing me to think he didn't know. He was the only friend I had to not demand the truth for me and get pissed off because I couldn't tell them but went on their own to go figure it out.

Sure it pissed me off at the time. It made me hate him. But as time has gone by, it has occurred to me that I did the same things to him. I just wasn't secure enough to realize that.

He was the only person I had ever met that understood me. Everyone tried to understand me but he was the only one who got it; to be completely alone in the world, a world which would kill you or worship you if you made the right move.

****

I drove the car back from the practice reception at speeds that shouldn't be used on a busy highway in my delusional state. I was nearing 120 when I saw something approaching the car, running towards me.

Time flips back and I think of Clark and how this is how we met the first time and maybe the reason I need to drive so fast down the nearly empty back roads is so I can crash and die, something I have been trying to do for a long time, or maybe I just want to get a good look and feel of Clark near me.

Either way, it's a death wish and I don't steer away and I ran over the chipmunk. His dead carnage is lying on the road in the center of the yellow lines. And I hit the hotel in record time, before anyone else might appear from the reception. I don't want people knowing I am here.

I'm in my old town, and there lay too many memories of people and events in the castle so I am staying at the shabby hotel that is near the site of the meteor shower. It's the main attraction since the proof of what the meteor rocks could do. It just isn't very crowded at this time of the year, mid-summer when proof comes from LexCorp that the data on the rocks had no basis of scientific fact. It was my little gift to Clark and his family. I hoped they would appreciate it but so far, there has been no thank you letters or homemade pies.

I think my parents got a little bit mad when I told them I wouldn't be staying with them during Pete and Lana's marriage. My father gave me a disapproving look and went to go into the speech on how I am not grateful for what they have given me, when my mother shut him up and told me it was okay.

I was glad she understood. I didn't name her the reason but it didn't seem to bother her much. To be truthful, I am not sure what the reason was for why I didn't want to stay there.

I had a long talk with my father. Mom has been busy for the past two days I have been back in town, cooking for the wedding, and so I have been doing all the chores around here with me.

We talked about today and he was going on and on about how pretty Lana was looking and why didn't I go over and tell them hi and congratulations. I told him that I hadn't felt like it, I just felt like I was no longer part of their life, and then he finally unleashed on me his fury that I could sense had been building since the day I had gotten here and the Luthor family showed up in town.

Old feeling die hard, and they had yet to die in him. The image of me crying when I had realized Lex had left still is imprinted into the back of his eyelids for he remembers it more vividly then I do. He has not forgiven him, as I have…time has made no impression on him. 

He thought they had no right to be here. People were no longer to see the wedding but to figure out what big plan the Luthor's had in town.

I made my first mistake in the conversation, stating that they had the right to go to the wedding since they had been invited for one, and Nell was with Lionel.

That wasn't what he wanted to hear; for the past five years, I had nodded in his favor, but now…I see it clearly enough.

He noticed me looking at Lex. He thought it would be best to give me a lecture on how you can't trust them because they will use you for their own purposes. Reminding me of the past and make me hate Lex again, was his goal. But he failed there.

I put on the super speed and left. I didn't need to hear it.

I look at his family and mine. I compare them. His family is made of mean people while my parents care about me and love me. Lex thought I had the best family alive and I didn't think that of his at all, but now that I look closer, the haze of age and loyalty towards family has disappeared and they now appear similar deep down.

I love Jonathon. I love him as if he was my father. But in a way, he has used me. He has used me to keep the farm going. He makes me lie about who I am. He lied to me, who I was, until he couldn't deny it any longer to me.

Lex's father was abusive and didn't care about anyone. But he always did save Lex in the end. It could be because he was the heir, but it could have been love. Their existence was built on lies but they were clearly lies and were meant to be broken and challenged.

Now that I look away…we really are similar.

Which is why I want to tell him I am sorry.

Before I returned to the motel, I stopped into the kitchen to see my mother. She was baking apple pies and she didn't need to be disturbed but I asked her the question I needed to know. Did she know where Lex was staying?

I returned to my motel without knowing where he was staying, only that he wasn't at the castle but was in town, at some place.

Being Smallville, there is only three motels/hotels in town. One was a Hilton off on the highway where the shopping centers were, and the other was some local bed and breakfast place, the other being where I was staying.

Lex was not a morning person nor did he like pretending to be nice to people and the Hilton was into pretending it was a rich hotel, but really wasn't, which Lex always despised

That left here. And I scan through the doors as I walk to my room.

He is three doors down from me. And he is not sleeping yet; he is typing away on his computer. I pause in my room and get changed out of my itchy tuxedo pants and dress shirt with a tie, and put on some flannel boxers and a T-shirt. You can never go wrong with plain cheap clothing and I feel a lot calmer as I pause by my half open door, thinking to myself.

All I have to do is go down three more doors and all of the problems and regrets I have in my life can be washed away and I can have my best friend back. All I have to do is just walk those couple of feet and suck up my pride, and get the thing I want the most.

All I have to do is walk those three doors down and confess the truth about myself. It's only three doors down to my demise or my resurrection.

Before I lose my courage, I prowl down to his room and put my hand on the cold metal. I don't expect it to open but it does, and I am surprised that Lex would forget to lock his own door unless he had a reason for keeping him open.

And some part of me is hoping that he left it open just for me, and was not some error.

He is no longer typing, the computer is wide open, set on the ground by his side, as he leans back in the armchair provided here. He is not awake but not sleeping either. He appears that he decided to rest his eyes and was taking a cap nap.

He looks peaceful while he sleeps. His mouth is wide open and he is drooling on his shoulder that he is using as a pillow for his head. He is sunk into the chair and his legs are lightly pulled to his chest, curled together. Hands are clenched together at his sides, and his nose is squished together like he is wishing for something to happen.

It's cute and I want to touch him. I move as quietly as I can, and run my fingertips along where his hair line should be, surprised at how smooth it felt, and by the content purr out of Lex's mouth.

Lex once told me he hated people touching his bald head. He didn't like people touching him anywhere in fact, but especially there. I never got the reason out of him. I want to continue to touch him, curious to if it felt different on other portions of his head but out of respect for his wishes, I remove my hand, and his eyes begin to flutter open.

****

He glows. That's the simple explanation to why when I first woke up, I thought I was dead and had gone to heaven to be greeted by an angel or I had been really high on something.

It takes a few blinks to figure out that it is Clark who is sitting next to me, and I sit up, confused.

"Uh, how'd you get in?" I asked him.

"The door was unlocked." I follow his gaze to the door and it doesn't look broken or anything is out of the ordinary and I sigh.

"You came in here, thinking that I invited you in here because the door was unlocked?" It came out crueler then I meant it to be and Clark doesn't seem to take it too personally and grins me at me. Damn, I have missed that grin. It's for no reason other then just fun and I don't get any of those now days with the cutthroat business world.

"It sounded like something you would do. I can leave if you really want," he is offering and I can see the child he was so many years ago when I met him still there. I snatch his wrist before he could move and give him a look. He smiles before getting comfortable on the cushion on the oak chair.

"I don't want you leaving yet," I tell him and I am not sure where that is coming from since what my brain was planning on saying was a little less honest to how I wanted this to go and end, with Clark and I being friends again.

He is not sure what to say and neither am I, and so we just stare at each other. Usually silence feels awkward but I am not minding it much. Sometimes the silence can speak louder then words ever would, and it is saying that both of us are here for the same reasons; Are both afraid of speaking because they might say the wrong thing. Clark's eyes vibrate quickly in the dim light, it's more of an affect from the poor lighting then anything, but Clark's eyes seem to dart around faster then he is getting nervous. He freezes up when he is nervous.

"So what's your opinion on the whole Lana-Pete getting married?" I ask him, interrupting the silence. It's a good enough place to start about our lives. He looks at me and I can see he is debating to say the truth or what he thinks he should say.

That was always his problem, he never could say that he thought because he cared too much about other's opinions then to worry about how it affected him.

I don't probe him to tell the truth, I am hoping he will and he opens his mouth to speak.

"I am happy for them, I guess. But…"

"But what?"

"They have known each other as long as I have known them and they never showed any interest before in one another until a month ago and suddenly they are getting married."

I can't contain my chuckle at how much disbelief he was in, and he smiles at me as I try to get back my breath so I can speak. I missed that the most, I think, the laughter he brought me. I know what he is saying is the truth.

"I just didn't believe that Lana would pick Pete in the end…"

"Why is that?" he is looking confused

"If you look at all the guys she has been with, she goes for the body beautiful type and with no offense to Pete, he doesn't fit the mold she has established for herself."

"Whitney, me, Jason, and you…?" he cracks an eyebrow at me as he counts them on his fingers.

I shake my head. "You assumed she was with me. I never touched her…"

That was one of the things that broke up our friendship, his distaste in the fact that Lana wanted to be with me after she finally gave up on Clark. He thought I slept with her; I hadn't…she tried to seduce me and I let her stay at the castle because she was so drunk. Clark had found us in the morning and assumed the worse and thus went the spiral downhill with our relationship.

"Yeah, I am sorry about that. I jumped to conclusions way too easy. And…"

He shuts up when I put my finger to his lips. He looks down cross-eyed and then at me, wondering what I am going to say and why I just did what I did.

"You do jump to conclusions too easily. But at the time, you were still young and naïve and I wasn't exactly being too trust-worthy at the time. Truce?"

He smiles at me and I pull my hand away from his face.

Lex is beginning to warm up to my presence and beginning to lose the cold mask that has been on his face for the past few years. He touched me for one and being that Lex despises the feel of skin more then anything, it's a good sign that we can be friends again.

"Pete got mad at me when I told him I thought he was jumping into it too fast. He claims I am jealous because he got her, and I never did."

I look up at Lex who is smirking for absolutely no reason, and who has his arms crossed like he had just ate the canary.

"Well, are you jealous, Clark?"

"No. Why should I be?"

"You shouldn't. Pete could just be making excuses because he feels inferior to you and the impact you have had on Lana your entire life."

Laughter erupts out of me from some place I don't know of, and I lean my head back against the frame of the chair. The explanation was classic Lex, thinking the entire world is out to get you because they are jealous. And the sad part was that it fit well.

"I stopped liking Lana shortly after I met you, did you know that?" I admit.

He nods and motions for me to continue.

"She just seemed uninteresting. Sure, she was pretty but she didn't make me think about things other then how the hell am I going to fix this? And after Whitney left, I had a chance with her, and so I decided to take it and just proved to me that it could never work. But…"

"…You had nothing better to do with your time?" Lex blurts in.

I nod at him. " You knew all along with I wasn't meant to her, didn't you?'

"Guilty as charged," he replies, licking his lip unconsciously, aware that I am watching his every move. The guy does everything down to friendship as if it was a board meeting, every action pre-measured for emphasis.

"Then why did you keep me setting me with her?"

"Because I could."

I glare at him and he just smirks. It's never a smile he gives anyone; it's a smirk like he finds the world amusing.

****

He keeps running his hand through the nest of curls on the top of his head, ruffling them and tossing them around into more disorder. He keeps talking but I can't really pay attention when he is playing with his hair. I don't have hair, and I miss playing with my own hair like I used to do when I was little, and I just wanted to touch it, run my hand through it and uncurl them to watch them spring back into place.

"Lex…"he whistles and I spring back to attention, batting my eyes to try to clear my thoughts of bouncy brown curls.

"Sorry, I kind of got preoccupied looking at your hair," I admit and he lowers his head down, placing the curls of hair at my fingertips.

"Play," he whispered, and once getting over my surprise, I unwind one of the curls of hair to only watch it curl back up again. Clark is shaking with laugher at most possibly my excitement of getting to play with the silky strands.

"Clark, sit up here closer so I can play with them as we talk, " I ask, finding that I myself thought my request was odd but he goes along with it with a gentle smile and scoots to the corner of the armchair, leaning against me so I can play absent-mindedly with his hair.

"So the last thing I remember you saying was about how boring Lana was?"

"Yeah, I was just saying that with her, it just felt like we were always saying or doing the same things. It was never anything new and exciting."

"Like me?" I added, twirling my finger around one of the curls, staring at the tawny locks. It has gotten lighter over the years, I note.

"Yeah."

"So is that how you judge how a relationship would be? If she is more interesting and exciting then me?" I joke and he begins to redden. I find that interesting and continue to play with his hair.

His nails keep scraping over my scalp and I am trying to not make any noises that might revel how much I enjoy people playing with my hair. I think he is waiting for me to make a noise then tease me about it. But then again, Lex may be just trying to be evil but every thing he does has a purpose. I wonder if it is to put me at ease or something else that I have yet to think of in my half brain-dead state.

If it is to relax me, he's doing a wonderful job. I am slowly falling asleep, being lulled by the nice petting through my hair, and the tangy citrus cologne he wears. From as long as I have known him, he always smelled like that.

" Hey, Clark, " Lex whispers me out of my trance and I look up at him, my eyes reopening to focus on him. The light gleams off his head and the thought to make a joke about it comes to me then leaves. " You have been asleep for the past hour."

I am confused, and I realize that his hands are no longer in my hair, but are now around my wrists that are lying snuggly on my stomach. I am leaning against his warm body, and that is why I could see him as well as I could, him being directly above me.

I want to move, I think I should move, but the actual thought of moving isn't very appealing. I look up at him for guidance and I realize he looks just as sleepy as I am. He had been sleeping too…

"Do you want to move or not?" Lex barks at me and I look up at him.

"Sorry, just lean back and sleep or leave. The cold air keeps hitting me and it is making me cold, " he whines. I notice for the first time the air conditioner is on and I don't remember it being on before.

Before I can ask why it's on, Lex answers for me. " You were sweating. So I turned it on for you. When I got back on the couch, you sort of slouched against me. I enjoy the warmth and all but if… I didn't want to take advantage of you and use you as my personal blanket."

The longer he continues to speak, the paler he is getting while his cheeks are getting rosier, and I snicker under my breath.

I lean back against him for his answer, not sure why I am allowing myself to sleep here when I might wake up and find myself floating. But I am sleepy and I had been sleeping well, and my room had the broken air conditioner in it.

****

We lay there for around an hour, when it occurred to me that neither of us was sleeping. My eyes seemed to be glued open, and Clark kept shutting his eyes to only reopen them a few minutes later.

I could feel his heartbeat through my chest and it would pick up speed every time the dream came, so it sounded like a constant rumbling of thunder over and over again. I don't think Clark picks up the fact his heart beat isn't average either. But then again, I don't think he spends his time sleeping around people who have a chance to be close enough to feel the heartbeat.

I always knew he was different. He just seemed too perfect to be human. His secrets, I don't know them all nor do I know what he is. He hides them in obvious sites that no one could come up with anything if viewed alone.

But together they made a devastating picture.

"Do you believe in destiny, Clark?" I ask. ****

He glances up at me to share a shy smile. " You asked me that the first time we ever met."

"I did…and you said you did. Do you still believe in it?"

His body is beginning to tense up and the topic is making him uncomfortable. Good, it is supposed to. I can't dodge the past forever, we can either move past it or it can haunt us.

His answer is slow. It's unsure but he manages to look me in the eye when he says it. " People change, Lex."

I smile at him, the smile I only reserve for my father or for the board meetings when I am ready to slap the final blow on their already dying bodies. He flinches slightly and moves away slightly from me, but not far enough to break the connection of our skin.

"You are avoiding the question."

"So? If you didn't always avoid asking questions…

I can see the happy feelings flying out of the window as the war masks begin to be applied to our faces and we build up our armor against the foe and pull out the pointy sharp swords appearing at our side in a minute's time.

I was thinking he changed. But he's still the same Clark. He causes an argument about you when he can't talk about himself then is a hypocrite, condemning you for the things he does himself.

"I avoid asking questions because I hope that some day you would find it in you to tell the truth." I answer, trying to keep my answer simple and nothing worthy of him getting mad at.

But being Clark, logic always fails in his mind, and he just ignores what I said and continues his barrage of attacks on me.

"Because you are so fond of telling it yourself." He shoots back and it's low.

"I try to tell it. It's more then I can say about you. "

By this point I am still in the armchair and I have to keep my hands across to maintain body warmth since Clark has now gone to the other side of the room, staring at me like I am the most disgusting creature in the world.

It is silent, the only noise is the whirl of the air conditioner, puffing air into the room and sucking it out, with the steady drip of the moisture piling outdoors on the porch where it is rooted to.

I am waiting for his next blow, because Clark could never stay away from a verbal fight with me and not achieve the last word and soon enough it comes.

"You won't know the truth if you hit it."

I can't hide the laughter. I can't stop it anymore and Clark is glaring at me evilly, with his eyelids half closed. The irony of what he just said has yet to sink into him and I look at him, flipping onto my stomach.

"I know the truth when I hit it, Clark. I hit you. That's the truth. If you think I am like everyone else in Smallville who can't put two and two together, you have that wrong. If you think you can't trust me, you got that wrong as well. I have known from day one that you are, and I have had years to reveal your secrets to the world. Anytime a masked stranger here saves a mysterious life, I know who it is. And I can just tell them. But I don't.

Clark begins to pale and it surprises me, I would have thought he would have already known that I knew his little secret.

"Why haven't you told?" he asks, swallowing hard.

I watch the way his Adam's Apple rises then falls as the salvia is swallowed down his throat and I look at him. I smirk and lay on the biggest blow I can think of. Guilt…

"Maybe the friendship we once had doesn't mean something to you, but it did for me."

The look of shock on his face was priceless and was worth the pain that I know I am causing him that I haven't wanted to use yet.

I watch the turn of his emotions and he is beginning to get angry and soon he will blow. And it will be show time.

"Our friendship did mean something to me. You were my best friend!" I yell at him.

He nods, and his eyes send the challenge of why. He doesn't have to say it, his eyes were always more clear then others.

"If you were my friend, you would have let me tell you what was going on instead of snooping into my business."

He snorts, and my eyes are burning in rage. I need to release the heat in them soon or I will set something on fire.

"When would that be? I gave you three years to tell you, you never took me up. I would have done anything for you; I did everything I could for you without question. I bared my soul for you to walk upon and you can't let me into your own private hell."

He says it so calmly, and I want to stop hating him, but there is still more I need to say.

"So what if I had told you, Lex? What would have happened? I admit that I was an idiot back then. But so were you."

"I was not an idiot!" I inject

"You weren't exactly clean even back then, you would have done anything to make sure you beat your father at his own game. I can't read minds; I can't pick up on subtle hints. If you wanted me to trust you, it goes both ways. My secret can never be told to some stranger who comes along one day and hits me with a car, it could never be told to my friends. It can never be told to the people I love the most, because I can't just pick up the pieces like you can when people betray you. "

His eyes are beginning to lose their focus on me and are looking away. He turns around, and paces over to the window, in which he peers out of the curtain to stare at the glowing street lamps and the hissing cats engaged in battle among the garbage cans.

"That was always your problem," he whispers, still glancing out into the dark sky. My own enhanced hearing has to strain to hear it and I feel a stab of anger at him.

"If you are going to say something about me, Luthor, you should do it to my face."

I realize the slip the minute it comes out of my mouth and he spins around, eyeing me wildly.

"So when I am not on your good list, it's Luthor. Nice going there, considering it's been Lex all night. I was starting to think we could be getting along again. I see that's been broken," he shrugs.

Before I can apologize at what I said, he holds up his hand and keeps speaking.

"You think you are such a victim. You are cursed to spend a life alone because you are an alien, the only one left in the entire world. You can never live an ordinary life, with kids or a wife, or play sports. You have to be the entire savoir of the world and be the moral compass for all that have lost their way.

"But the only victim in this whole escapade is you. You don't allow yourself to have any of those things because you are so afraid of destroying them. You don't allow yourself to enjoy your life because you are so worried and preoccupied with how much you are missing out. Guess what? You don't have to miss out. You can do what everyone else does and more. You could live a normal life…you just refuse and play the poor-me card."

I stare at him in shock, and wait for his words to sink in, anticipating the anger to come. But it never does, I just sit there wide-eyed, mouth open, because what he said made sense. It wasn't the sense I liked, but it was logical.

"Are you a victim, Lex?" I ask him, and he wasn't ready for that question because the mask slips for a second of cool righteous confidence to one of a little boy who was confused.

"What do you mean?" he is proceeding with caution.

"Are you a victim? You claim I am a victim. Are you?"

He stops and thinks for a second, answering after a long pregnant pause.

"I am a victim of things I couldn't control I can't change how I was raised or who my parents were. I can't change the events that have led up to lead me down my path. But I am not a victim because I have tried my hardest to overcome them." Pleased with his answer, he begins to relax, tapping his fingertips along the windowsill.

"Some people weren't raised to overthrow all moral convictions to achieve the status of a winner, " I answer.

He shrugs. " They aren't."

He has gotten faster with his comments and the intelligence that surrounds them is more impressive in this go around with the issues between us. He is less emotional and is more the equal sparring opponent.

Grates on my nerves more and more, he does, because I can't decide to slap him or hug him, which was what I had been doing all along, and yet he wasn't supposed to affect me this way.

"I used to envy you, did you know that?" He doesn't, I never told him, and though he could have figured it out, the look on his face showed he had never in a million years thought I could envy his life.

"Why?"

****

At least he hadn't said like my psychotherapist had; that why would I envy such a simple farm boy who lived in the middle of nowhere with no future, while I had all the money in the world and could do whatever I ever wanted or dreamed about in my life. I promptly fired him within the following two seconds.

"You had a family who loved you. They would love you anyway you came. You could never disappoint them, and they would give you the world if they were capable of it because they would feel you deserved it. And that, money can't buy. A family, who loved me, I would give up everything to have that. "

I didn't feel like I had to say anything else because Clark understood and was looking me with a look of pure compassion. All of the anger in him had vanished out of his features and it made me sick. I hate being pitied and I know he wasn't intending to do that, but it wasn't what I needed, because if he did, I couldn't be responsible for my actions. And Luthor's are forbidden to cry… ****

"Lex…?" he is climbing to his feet and coming towards me. He touches my face gently and pushes it up so I could look at his eyes. I avert my eyes quickly and whisper to him.

"Not now, Clark. I can't deal with this right now."

He looks unhappy but understands, and leaves my room without another word. When I hear the door close, I break down to tears.

I know he could hear me, if he tried. But I couldn't find it in myself to honestly care.

His cries are painful to hear and I want to go back in there and hold him and tell him it will all be okay. But I can't, and I return to my sweltering room.

I find Pete in there, lying on my bed. I have no clue what he is doing in my hotel seeing that he was staying at his parents for the trip, and that is a easy ten miles from here, until it hits me why he was here.

I glance at my watch and it's nearing three A.M. The time had flown by fast and I had forgotten him. It was his bachelor's party tonight at a local bar we used to frequent when we returned home from collage. It was at eleven, which was about an hour into my conversation with Lex.

"Hi, Pete." I state, already preparing myself for his anger.

He has plenty of it for me; I can see that from the moment he sits up to settle his glare on me.

"Where were you?"

I consider lying. He hates Lex, he hates what Lex has done to me. But I am sick of lying about simple things. " I was talking to Lex and we lost track of time."

"Oh, so it's fine to spend your time ditching your best friend who always has been there for you to talk to a man who wants you dead."

" I'm sorry I forgot. It was something I needed to do and it took a lot longer then I thought it would have."

"Why did you feel a need to talk to that bastard? He betrayed you, lay you out to die. He never cared about you or anyone beside himself. He hasn't changed, Clark. He never will. He kills everything that he touches and he has been gunning to know your secret for years so he can expose you."

I cut him short. " He already knows."

I realize how drunk he is when he slides off my bed and saunters over to me, swaying lightly reeking of various chemicals and smokes. He is too drunk to ask or realize the context I said it in, and he slaps me hard across the face.

Of course, it doesn't hurt me in the least; it feels like someone had just graced my cheek for a normal person that would be what it appeared as. It hurts him a lot more, his hand isn't bent back at a funny angle or anything but it's close seeing how hard he tried to hit me.

He has to stand on his tiptoes to even come close to meeting my eyes and he begins to yell. What he says doesn't register, I can only really concentrate on the beer smell oozing out of his mouth in nauseating amounts.

"…Dare you to stand me up for him! I am your best friend. I have never hurt you or betrayed you…. Does that all the time and he is no longer your best friend. Who has stood by you through all these years and you can't even show up for a simple event to congrat me on my good fortune! You are always doing that, forgetting everyone just for the chance to save a person…"

I drowned him out shortly after that, trying to keep my mind off of how bad he smelled, and I think he realized that after awhile because I began to feel woozy suddenly and I fell to my knees to make sure I didn't topple over.

My eyesight begins to blur and I can see the eerie glow of green above me. It's hard to think but my trust in him plummeted and mine in Lex was suddenly soaring towards the sky. His hand isn't stable and from the drugs, he isn't keeping my powers locked, and I decide to play into his hands for the moment, pretending I am at his mercy.

"You can't bear to see me happy, is that it, Clark? Can you not bear to see me with the girl you once loved? Can you not accept the fact for once I have beaten you? You can't acknowledge how much I had to suffer because of you! To be always in your fucking shadow! You don't ever get to see how much you hurt me! All you care about is Lex. Lex's this…Lex that. Guess what? I could give a fuck about you and Lex. Go fuck each other's brains out, since from Day one, that's all he ever wanted from you."

I knock the kryptonite out of his hand with one kick and I pick him up, sending him flying half way across the room with a slight push. It takes much restraint to not kill him. I am mad and offended about the way he spoke about me as if he knew me, and what he said about Lex was false.

The sad part about it all was I had said the same things about him for the last five years. The even sadder part was when it came to pass that he wasn't my friend. It's been too many times he has used the rocks on me to get even with me or get his way. He didn't understand what it was like to be one and live an abnormal life of lies.

My room smells, and I want him to find himself in there seeing the bruise on him and the kryptonite in the corner and realize what he did, without me informing him of it. I decide to leave it and I sneak down to Lex's room.

The door is locked but I can get in easily.

I find him sleeping on the bed, cocooned in his silk sheets in the center of the bed where he had given up trying to strip the bed of its various low quality sheets. Curled up into a tight ball, he is clutching onto something, and I nose a little closer to see if it is the blanket that he sometimes thinks is Julian when he has mental breakdowns.

I am caught off guard to what I find. In his hands are a stuffed animal of a poorly designed man with slicked back hair and tights and a cape on, with a huge S on the front of his chest. It is a poor representation of myself in my alter ego form, but the way he claws it into his body, it has a lot of meaning to him.

I can't help but wonder why? Does he carry around him because he misses me? Or is that his obsession of blowing the cover of my alter ego haunts him in his dreams? Is it to make him feel secure in the night?

I could once say without a doubt it was because he wanted to capture me, but tonight, I can't see how that could be? His face looks slightly red, and I think he might have been crying. His breath is uneven while he sleeps, hitching every few seconds while the expression on his face changes into a more desperate look of fear then grabs his doll harder.

He looks so young and innocent. And it's a complete change from his usual self. But that self, the one who lies before me right now, is the one that I will always remember and know deep down. He is the side that I had always loved.

A ripple of chill travels downs his spine and he begins to shutter. He's cold; Goosebumps litter his pale skin. I feel bad and I wonder if I can awake before him. I can, I decide, and I curl up next to him on the bed, cradling him into me to keep him warm.

I woke up cold this morning but all the covers were still on and the air conditioner off. I couldn't remember my dreams except I knew I was warm, unbelievably warm. It was the type of warmth that was too warm and made you uncomfortable but it felt so nice and if you went away from it, you would be cold. ****

It was then that I noticed the outline of a body on the cheap mattress with its equally cheap cover sheet, and it had wrinkled to make a body print. I know it to be Clark's and I sigh, noticing for the first time the note on the side of the bed.

It reads; __

Dear Lex,

I am sorry for all the things I said last night. I didn't mean them at all, it just seems easier to sometimes argue with you then admit the truth. All of things you said are right, and they offended me like they did, because I always knew they were true but no one was ever brave enough to tell them to me.

We both have our secrets. Both of us are afraid for people to know them. But I trust you. You were the only person I probably will ever trust besides my parents. You understood me when no one else could or would even try. I hope you can trust me and be able to put the past behind us.

It seems we spend as much time apologizing then fighting. So I propose we stop doing both. We stop apologizing for whom we are, and stop fighting over the things we can't change about our nature.

I do believe in destiny. I always have. I look at the stars and it is all written out for us. But I don't think our destinies are set in stone. I think destiny throws in the chance of free will. I know I was destined to meet you. I would never have known who I was otherwise.

But I think it was something different. I think I was destined to meet you to teach you that you don't have to be the man your father wants to be, and you to be the same to me.

I want to continue the destiny…

Clark – ****

I can't help but smiling, and I fold it up and set it in my pocket. I walk over to my suitcase and rummage through it, looking for the right suit out of the five or so I brought with me. I have a wedding reception to go to, and I am going to find Clark.

So I can tell him one of my secrets, an exchange for what I had told him last night about knowing about his powers and his secret identity.

And that secret would be…I have been fantasying for years about being with him.

If that means I am in love with him, I am willing to go with it. I don't know what it means. I never have, since the first time it occurred which was the day after his rescue on the riverbank.

Lionel thought often that my bisexual tendencies are just a ploy to annoy him and attract his attention, which it was, sort of. It began that way but I started to find that it didn't matter which gender I was with, as long as they were beautiful.

When I told one of my other therapists that, which I was sent to when I was 15, and it was the second time I had been caught in bed with another guy, he made jokes about how I would fuck anything beautiful, living or non-living. He was fired and his reputation was tarnished past recognition, but I never forgot those words.

It could be true. Clark fit the entire beautiful image. That was the first thing I noticed when the car hit him; the wideness of his green eyes as he had gone flying over the side of the bridge along with me. He had seemed so surprised.

Now that I think about it, he had had the time to get away if he had wanted to, even without his hyper speed. Sometimes when I hit in the dream, I wonder why he hadn't moved away. He could have taken one step and I would have missed him completely.

The second thing I remembered about him was how I thought I was in heaven before my chest began to heave and I choked up all the water I had swallowed. The sun had cast a halo on his curly hair, and the gentle look he was giving to me as if I had mattered.

For those few seconds, I knew I had found heaven. Then Jonathan Kent had shown up and I had found hell again. But I knew it lay somewhere within him…that happiness and peace I felt in those split seconds, that was why I became his friend.

He was easy to love. It seemed natural to me. There were no hidden motives, we just talked for hours on end, and he would just listen to me. The last person who had ever listened to me was my mother. Though I never did get to be with him, somehow I feel I knew him better then I knew all of the women and men I had dated/fucked/married in the years since the descent into adulthood.

I know now that we had hidden motives. But they never seemed to matter to me.

I hated helping him attempt to have a relationship with Lana. I knew it would never work out and there is no point to doing something that you will fail in. They may have claimed to be in love with each other, but …she was too dull for him, and he had too much responsibility in the world for her to understand.

I straighten up my tie, and look at myself in the mirror. I look passable and appear ready to face the world. A quick glance of the clock tells me I have an hour till their wedding and I smile. My little plot shall work well in that time period.

I showed up way too early for the wedding. I was the first one to the Chapel, I beat out the caters and the priest with his posse of musicians. I don't know why I showed up as early as I did, besides the fact I was nervous and had nothing better to do.

There is around 50 minutes left for it to start and it's getting too crowded for me to sneak out and run a few laps around the town to blow off some steam. The wedding caravans are congregating in the outside rooms and hallways, and I can't stop fidgeting.

Nell takes the front row on the bride's side of the church, and Lionel follows just behind her, being led by her by his forearm. Lex is right behind him, and I can tell Lex is trying not to look at me. 

For someone who feared becoming his father his entire life, they don't appear very much alike. Lionel fits his namesake of a lion with his wild uncontrolled hair and sharp dark eyes. He prowls along places with a slinky way to him, growls and purrs within a minute's notice, being the king of the room.

Lex holds himself straight, a tin soldier. He has a similar aura of confidence and arrogance to Lionel's but it differs in that Lionel frightens; Lex lets people get scared without doing a single thing. To Lionel's controlled wild appearance, Lex is straight lines, seeming to dissect rooms of people with his eyes.

People would die for Lionel out of fear, Lex; they would do it out of respect. I don't think Lex has ever seen that, he still thinks he is just like his father.

He looks repulsed at the levels of affection between Nell and Lionel that are joking around, not being capable of not touching each other, and he looks directly at me.

He rolls his eyes, and I smile, nodding. The eyes flicker in a different direction and back to me, and I know what he is asking of me.

I stand up and file out of the pews, following him to the area he had designated for us to meet, away from the majority of the people.

****

We are surrounded by people filing in and out, chattering like old friends and it appears the entire town of Smallville is out this morning to watch its little princess get married off.

Clark and I stay off to the side, because I had wanted to talk to him, and put the plan in motion. He returned my gaze, it showed he wasn't mad at me anymore.

"Enjoying the wedding so far?" I inquire, having noticed his earlier look of displeasure.

"I want them to just hurry up and put out the food. I'm hungry…" he answered me.

"Did you forget to eat breakfast?"

"I ate about ten minutes ago," he chuckles to himself, and I smile. It's typical.

People are beginning to look at us. I guess they hadn't seen either of us in awhile, and they appraise us. I think they are surprised to see we are talking since our last fight we ever had took place at the Talon and the entire town saw it about, or heard about it through the local grapevine.

"Are Lionel and Nell together?" Clark asks and I stop setting the glare of the people who are watching us, to look at him.

"No more then usual. They both use each other. Lionel probably wants something out of her."

"Is he still interested in me?" He looks worried and I pat him on the shoulder reassuringly. He flinches and looks up at me apologetically. My eyes tell him it is all okay, and I lean back against the wall.

"Luthor's will always be fascinated by you, Clark. You should just get used to it. "

He blushes. " Does he or not?"

"He's not investigating you. But after today, he'll be probably at it again."

He wants to ask me why. But he manages to not and to just trust me.

"So what's his real reason for being with Nell?"

I shrug. It could be the Talon or about Clark. I don't know, I stopped worrying about my father's reasons a long time ago.

"Are your parent's coming today?"

He nods. " Lana was like a daughter to my mother and my father is still ticked that I never slept with Lana."

He begins laughing at me and I realized that my jaw had dropped several inches, and I was staring at him in skepticism.

"I didn't sleep with her. We went out the summer before collage. She offered but…"

"Didn't want to?" I filled in, trying to keep him from feeling so embarrassed.

"Yeah, and it got around the town that I was gay."

Things are looking up right now. This would be easier then I thought it would be.

"**Are you gay?" I ask. I couldn't not ask him that.**

He looks at me warily. He seems at a loss for words and he shakes his head really slowly, just barely moving it.

"Why did you not sleep with her? Most guys would have killed themselves to have a chance like that." ****

His smile is uneasy. " My father said the same thing. He said I should have, but what he said bothered me."

"Because that would be using her?"

"Yeah. We broke up after that. I haven't been with anyone since."

This sudden burst of newfound knowledge is appealing. I can't help but feel bad for him, but somewhat jealous.

" I am proud of you," I tell him, sliding down the wall to sit.

He follows my lead and cocks his head, waiting for me to explain.

"I lost my virginity when I was around 13. I was too high to remember any of it. I don't remember the girl's name or what she looked like. The only reason I knew it happened was because someone told me."

"I'm sorry," he apologizes as if those words could make up for the things that had happened fourteen years ago.

The sad part is that they do make up for it.

"Just curious. Why didn't you want to?"

It's the burning question and I am not sure he was going to answer it until the words began to pile of his mouth.

"I was afraid I would hurt her. I can control them most times but…"

"…As emotions surge, you begin to lose a handle of control and just want to relax and enjoy?"

I realize I am filling in for him what he would say, but he's nodding and I assume it's close enough to the point.

"I couldn't though. It felt like I was supposed to like her and want her…"

"…But it wasn't what you needed."

"Please stop filling in my sentences for me."

"Why?" He is smirking at me.

"Because you are hitting them dead-on and it's scaring me."

"Well, perhaps I know you better then you think."

He thinks about it for a second. A glint in his eye begins to appear. " Since you know so much, tell me what was it that I need in a person."

"Someone who isn't frail and breaks at the slightest touch. Someone who would accept you for the person you were with all flaws included. Someone who challenges you and understands what you represent. Someone who is just as stubborn and loyal…"

He smiles and I know I got it right.

"Does it just happen that you fit all of those qualities, Lex?"

I can't ignore the erupting smile that is coming across my face, and he isn't as stupid as I took him to be. My plan has just gotten a lot easier.

"I can't help being perfect for you," I smirk, seeing if he will take the bait I have offered him.

"Who would the perfect person…" he empathizes the person part, " …for you."

"Why don't you tell me, Clark?"

I see a slight glint of fear in his eyes, but it subsides into a lazy dangerous smile. " A person who can protect you from anything in the world including yourself. A person who can listen to all your lectures on history and is entertained. A person who is not afraid of your name or your status nor are they in a relationship for any gain besides your companionship…"

He stops and shrugs, not sure what to say, and I keep staring at him. The stare always works just like the puppy dog look always works for Clark.

"Do you want me to continue?" he asks and I nod.

He takes a deep breath and exhales heavily. "A person who is taller then you, stronger then you, a lot less rich then you, and belongs to a hoard of media who would love to take you down?" He appears nervous and he holds a question. He was describing himself; he was a mind reader when he tried. He is waiting for me to okay what he said.

"Bingo," I hiss with a smile that I am hoping is seductive. My word choice isn't very articulate but it said it clearly.

Clark's eyes are boring into me like he could see right through me, which I am sure he probably could but I met them and hold his gaze. The reasons to why we are having this little staring contest are unknown but it's intense and I want to look away.

****

"Have you guys found Pete yet? He's not in his dressing room!"

The voice snaps both of us out of our distant thoughts and both follow the voice all the way down the hall. There are bridesmaid running around, holding their dresses up, and looking rather frantic.

I can see Clark out of the corner of my eye, and he is biting his lip, a classic worry sign on him. It's not worry like he doesn't know where his friends are, it's a worry of he somehow caused it and he just might get in control.

He stops nibbling on his lip and his face begins to pale. His eyes wander into the other direction and I follow him to see his parents walking down the hall.

All I can hear is the mumbled cursing of "Oh fuck" and I feel Clark grabbing my arm tightly, and being thrown into the nearest room with an open door.

I take the sights in quickly and by the amount of pink in the room, and the various pictures of Chloe, Clark, and Pete in there, I take it to be Lana's dressing room. It also helps that her name is written in steam on the mirror with a heart under it. The name she wrote under it is blurred. It figures…she couldn't decide what to write so she erased it.

"Any reason for pushing me into an abandoned room with you?" I comment, trying to progress the little dance we always seem to play.

"Pete is currently lying in my hotel beaten shitless…" he says this with a straight face and I almost believe that he is innocent enough to not pick up on my little interlude, key word being almost.

"Other then that fact?" I take a step closer to him. He's leaning on the dresser that is cluttered with Lana's make-up, and I feel his eyes watching my every move.

"…And my parents were coming and they wouldn't be happy to see me speaking in kind terms with you."

"And?" Another step forward and Clark is beginning to lose his innocent demeanor. The crease at the edge of his lip is beginning to twitch.

I blink and he's there. I blink again, and he's right next to me. He moves faster then I can see and it's hard to tell if it was I who moved or him, because it appears he hadn't moved an inch from his position by the dresser.

He chuckles at my confusement, and swipes his hand against the wood, scattering the make-up jars so he has a place to sit. I notice he doesn't make enough room for me, and I look at him.

I can feel his hand on my wrist, wrapped around it easily, his other hand is on the wood, pressed into it. My other hand is free, frozen at my side. All he has to do is pull, and I'll be there. So why hasn't he? He just seems to be content with staring at me in one of those really uncomfortable states.

"So did you drag me in here to stare at me, or make-out with me?" I ask, and I find myself dragged forward, so I am practically in his lap.

"Both…" he whispers, and finally kisses me.

It was worth the ten years of arguing for this one perfect moment. Soft…chaste…and over way too quickly.

A lazy smile is given to me as I grumble, and I swear he is enjoying teasing me.

"Sorry, I been wanting to do that since I was 15…" he explains and I shoot him a death glare. He just laughs it off.

"And…" he continues. "…I've been wanting to do this since yesterday."

The second kiss is a lot longer and heated, and the force in which our lips connect is painful. He pulls me into his lap and it feels natural, more natural then breathing.,

His tongue traces the lines of my lips, playing within the groove on my scar and for once in my life, I don't feel like putting up a fight to be the dominant one. The warmth that is surrounding me is intoxicating and it feels too nice to pull away so I could get rational thoughts running through my vein such as anyone could walk in on us at any time.

He is clawing at the buttons on my shirt and he pulls away to stare at them. I apply a sharp nip at his jaw line, and he loses his control and rips the shirt. He looks up at me apologetically but I smile, it was the idea.

He pulls at my tie to bring me closer to him if not we already were overlapping each other, and his hands run along my spine, tracing letters and other lazy shapes on the sensitive skin. I get sick of the petting, and kiss him, ghosting upon his lips. He whimpers and I kiss him again, sucking on his lips, trying to gather as many mews and purrs of pleasure out of him before I continue.

I am too lost to hear the door opening, and I am jolted out of it with the sound of glass shattering on the ground. I look over Lex's shoulder to see Lana staring at us wide-eyed, her expression a mixture between pain, disgust, and shock.

I release my death grip on Lex, and sensing the blush coming on, attempt to hide behind Lex. Lex is still draped over me, and is looking at Lana, nonchalant as if there is nothing wrong with this picture. Lex doesn't seem to care how uncompromising we look, and I am thankful for it.

"What do you need, Lana?" he asks, and I can see the twist in his cheekbone as he smirks.

"Make…. Make-up?" she stutters and I feel bad for her. Lex has none of it though…

"Why do you need make-up? Isn't there enough on your face?"

She takes it as an insult and Lex gives no indication to if it was or it just hit her wrong, and she glares. Lex shifts far enough off me to kick the tube of concealer to her, and she storms off in a fury of curses.

He then turns to me, and ever so slowly slides off me, taking a seat next to me.

"Okay?"

"Never could be better," I answer sarcastically, though the truth was I was quite happy at the moment.

He sees right through it, and leans against me. I wrap my hand around his waist out of reflex and he begins to talk.

"Lana isn't going to stay quiet about us…"

"So be ready for the barrage of people freaking out?"

He chuckles. "Yeah."

."We should give them something to talk about," I comment, and Lex looks up at me, mischievously. 

"I was thinking that," he remarked.

We had barely got started, when I picked up the noises coming from outside the door. I pull away from him, and the door flies open.

****

Clark's father is at the head of the pack, scowling and looking murderous. Martha is at his side, her hand on his shoulder. It's hard to tell if it's a supportive gesture or to restrain him if it came necessary.

Lana is behind him, glaring and it's more funny then scary. But then again, it's hard to look scary in a wedding dress with flowers in your hands. Pete is behind her, and his right eye is swollen and has a dark patch of purple bruising on it. He looks like he is sore by the way his body is holding itself, like it could shatter any minute.

Lionel is in the doorway, not in as far as the others are. Nell is in front of him next to Lana, in protective parental mode, but it doesn't look very natural. My father is probably the only person who surprises me in this little fiasco of the building up of the troops. He doesn't look angry or surprised. He looks like he had just eaten the canary, and I catch his eye. His next gesture surprises me, an approving nod.

"**Get the fuck away from my son!" Jonathon barks, and I am glad that I don't have to say the first words. I didn't have them planned. My father sort of messed them up which I think was his idea.**

I turn around to face them, and give Clark's hand a squeeze to reassure him. It didn't go unnoticed by the crowd, which was the entire purpose of doing it at that moment. ****

"I think your son is capable of making his own decisions," I speak, not sure where to start. The plan of attack is to get him angry enough to make him do something stupid.

"He is not going to be making out with a Luthor." He spits my last name out like it's a curse word and Lionel is glaring holes in the back of his head. For once in my life, I am happy for the family support, though it's unnerving to think of why I have it.

"Why not? You did…" Lionel puts his two cents in, and the entire room gasps and Clark's eyeballs are bulging out at this new selection of the history of the Kents and the Luthors

I act like I have known that all along, which I didn't. It's news to me but it makes sense. There had always been this undeniable tension in the room when they were around each other, more then just hatred.

Jonathon is snarling at my father who is grinning like the Cheshire Cat. All eyes are on them instead of us, and Clark is momentarily relieved of the stares.

I check out the look on Martha's face, and she looks calm, too calm in fact. It's her game face, and after several tense seconds of the two men nearing each other, she interrupts them and motions towards us.

"Why him?" Martha speaks for the first time and it takes a minute for me to register she is asking me and not Clark.

"He understands," I answer simply and she smiles. She likes my answer.

"You hate each other," it is more a statement then a question.

"Aren't love and hate most of the time, the same?"

Her mannerisms are the same as Clark's, and it is like watching his response through her. Her body relaxes, eyes lose their hawk stare, and she smiles a welcome.

"You just want to exploit Clark!" Jonathon yells out of the comforting silence, weird looks follow.

"How's that, Mr. Kent?"

He figures his mistake. He can't say anymore on the subject without completely blowing Clark's hidden identity and he flushes and glares.

He is scowling, and he's not capable of dropping the argument without mentioning Clark's powers and abilities. Despite my better knowledge, I give the command for everyone to leave except for both of the Kent's.

Everyone shoots me dirty looks as they file out and Martha locks the door. Now we're all tigers in the same pen, ready to kill.

"My son is not a dirty faggot!" he hisses and Clark flinches. I am feeling guilty that this conversation ever had to take place, but I am keeping my eye on the prize, him. I just have to convince that I love Clark, not for any reason besides that. Unfortunately hell would freeze over before that would happen, the odds happened to say.

"Being bi doesn't constitute being a faggot…"

"It's unnatural…"the list begins to appear.

"Homosexuality has existed even before humans existed."

"You black-mailed him into it!"

"Did it look like black-mail when you walked in here? Sorry to disappoint, 100% consensual."

"It's absolutely disgusting!"

"So is that why you had interactions with my father of that nature?"

I got him there. He's pissed. And I smile.

"I have known Clark's secret or suspected it since the day we met. I have had years to do my damage and plenty of opportunities arrived. I haven't done it yet and have no intention of doing it."

Another point for me, and Jonathon is left speechless. He knows I have won; I thought it would have been harder.

His pride is gone and he begins to unlock the door, and crawl out with his tail between his legs, beaten down. It was almost as good as Clark telling me he had shared my feelings.

Instinct took over, and I don't think Lex realized what happened until I was in front of him, wavering from the impact of the bullet.

I see Lex's shocked face out of the corner of my eye, and I see my father's stunned expression, the gun in his hand, falling slightly. To why he is surprised, I have no idea. I think maybe he honestly thought that I was being controlled.

He moves towards the door but I move faster then he ever could and knock his hand away, maneuvering him so he was against the wall, no where near Lex so we could have a little talk.

"Why'd you bring a gun to a wedding?" I snarl.

""Thought this might happen," he answers, meeting my eyes.

It's a glaring match, and he looks to be losing his anger and coming into rational thoughts again.

"He's only going to hurt you." He sputters out, trying to explain why he tried to do it.

"Maybe. But I have the right to discover it on my own."

"Why Lex? I won't have cared if it was anyone but him. He…" he runs out of steam to finish his thought.

"He makes me feel human."

"You are human."

I shake my head. " I never will be human. I can't live my entire life being someone I am not."

He hugs me suddenly and I allow him to, though I refuse to partake in it, still feeling angry.

He withdraws from me, and he takes a seat where Mother is, across the room from Lex.

"Is this what you want?" she asks when she and I reach each other half way across the room.

"It is."

"Good luck." She smiles at me and we hug. I can see Lex rolling his eyes and I grin.

"What happened to Pete? I am assuming you had to do something with it," she asks as we part.

"He was drunk and attacked me with some kryptonite. He was pissed off because I was fighting with Lex at the time of his bachelor party."

"Go apologize to him." She leaves no room for argument.

****

Clark leaves the room as does Jonathon and Martha takes a seat next to me on the make-up table. I am surprised when she smiles at me gently, like a mother would have. I try to return the smile but all I do is end up with a twisted expression on my face.

"I am happy for you both." She says.

"It's nice to know someone is."

"Clark could never have a normal romance. Yours would be aberrant enough for it to maybe just work."

"What do you mean our relationship wouldn't be normal?" I am beginning to get worried and a belly laugh emits out of her mouth.

"Between the two of you, there is enough manpower and brain power to take over the world. Both of you are obsessive compulsive control freaks and…"

I don't allow her to continue, because I am laughing way too hard. It almost hurts to be laughing.

"Did you expect this to happen? Clark and me?" I ask, and she is perplexed by the question. It takes her awhile to think up her answer.

After a long suspended pause, she answers. " Yeah. The first time both our families met, on the day of the meteor shower, I knew somehow you would hold some part in Clark's life. I guess it is just mother's instincts. The day you crashed the car into him, when I saw you step out of that car, I knew whom you were though so many years passed. You were right next to each other, and it just seemed right."

She smiles at the memory and it makes me feel better about the future. "What about you?"

I am uncomfortable with telling her, but here she was, being honest to me and being so accepting, that it felt rude to not tell.

"The riverbank. Clark never knew that I could have stopped the car. It was a tough day and life sucked. My mind was on ways to kill myself and it popped up before me. As I got out of the way of the log, it occurred to me that my life could end this way. Clark could have gotten out of the way, I could have stopped. But neither of us did.

"When I awoke, it felt like for once, I was alive. I had a second chance. I was thankful for it, but the only second chance I got was the fact I had the chance to meet him and attempt to not be my father. But in the end, I am. But I guess the reason I always loved him was that he made me believe I could change."

The smile on her face says she accepts my answer and with an unspoken agreement, we both leave the room.

The whole hallway of people turn at my presence and stare as I make my death march down to the area which my father has secluded himself. Clark is in the other hallway and I can see him laughing with Chloe. His back is facing to me but she sees me, and winks. It figures she knew about this from Day One and has wanted this to happen.

Pete is standing next to him and they seem to be on comfortable terms. His bruises are now concealed so he looks less like a gangster and more like a clown.

Lana looks angry. It think it is because I took the spotlight out of her wedding and no longer will it make the newspapers because it is her and Pete's wedding. It will go on to be known as the paper as that I am having a homosexual affair with the head reporter of the Daily Planet. Too bad they don't know he is Superman. It would make the papers so much more drastic.

Even Jonathon is looking less pissed off she is. He looks crazed. The blood has left his face and his fists are an odd shade of purple from clenching them so much, cutting off the oxygen supply. He eyes me warily as I pass, and I feel his eyes drilling holes into my body and I finally reach my father.

I haven't been nervous until this moment. He is smiling which is never the greatest sign or the best way to start a conversation with him.

"So you finally acted on it?"

He is looking out the window, and I look out of it to see what he is seeing. People on the street, walk around, smiling, going about their every day life.

"We are not meant to be like them." He continues. "Contentment breeds failure."

"And unhappiness fails in achieving anything, I know."

He looks at me, and smiles. For the first time in my life, it's not a sadistic smile. It's one that a father would give to his son in pride.

"Love of the lips was touch, as sweet as I could bear…"

"And once that seemed too much, I lived on air," I finish off the poem. "Robert Frost. I can assure you that is not the case."

"Good. Have a good fight…" he walks away from me and I think about what he meant by it.

It would be a fight. The world was not ready to see a same-sex couple, especially with ones who are such media-moguls. People would be prejudice. I could lose business because what I did with my private life. I would be mocked. I would be ridiculed. He was asking; was I prepared for the consequences of finally admitting my feelings for Clark? He was asking could I rise above it? Was I ready to be my own person and stop hiding behind his shadow of protection?

And the truth is, I am. I have never been so certain of something in my life. I spent so much time trying to be the person that I was supposed to be, to succeed, that I denied my happiness. I realize that I can have both. It may be hard but I want it. And anything I want, I can have…

I catch Clark's eyes across the room. I wonder if the impending onslaught of attacks would be worth it. The thought is immediately squished the second he looks at me. I would die to protect him. He would do the same for me. I lucked out and I can't avoid things because I am scared of where they might go.

There will be problems. There will be issues. But on the bright side, he has no intention of killing me, like my previous wives. He has no sexual relations with my father. He has no need for my money. He has no want for fame. He knows what I am thinking. He smiles. It makes me want to give up everything. And so I will, I walk over to him to continue what has begun. 

Author's Note:

This story began while I was lying in bed one night. After all, that is how all my stories begin, when I am lying in my bed and can't sleep. My previous story had used lyrics from the band Evanescent and keeping to that theme, I wanted to use a song.

The song that came to me was "Kryptonite" by Three Doors Down. From the beginning, that was the title. It stayed as the title until the last word of this story. It no longer fit.

The story has no real plot. I don't really think it deserves to be put on fanfiction but I spent a lot of time upon it so I would feel guilty not putting it up. Besides, I have put stuff that has a lot more shit aspect to it then this one did.

I lost focus in the middle of it. I had no clue what to do. I think you can see that I did. But…it achieved the purpose. I wanted to have Clark and Lex make-out. It was one of the worst scenes I have ever written due to it being in 1st person but hey, I tried.

The title "To Earthward" is the title of the poem that Lionel quotes. I found it the morning I wrote the last word, because I was thinking of using the poem by Robert Frost that ended with "Nothing Gold can stay." Unfortunately that poem didn't work. I was going to use something else but then I saw that poem and despite it not being what I wanted, it worked well enough.

The lines on the top, was from the song "Taking me over" by Evanescence. I kept saying those words as I put an ending on it and I decided that I could use it.

I love their lyrics, they kick so much ass.


End file.
